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Despite the late hour, we decided to splurge and watch one more movie. A trip into the future with Arnold in Total Recall.

It’s good to know that although brain manipulation and nail polish have upgraded significantly, there are still infomercials featuring old, bald men and bad digital effects. Although cars have developed into less sophisticated modes of transport sporting more boxy silhouettes and heavy doors, demented puppet-like mechanical men drive the taxis, using Siri like responses to questions. Also there are still rats and construction jobs. I’m beginning to think the future is not a place I want to be.

Don’t worry, as the assistant explained, only very rarely do things fuck up but, of course, this is one of those rare times. 

It is, as to be expected with one of Arnold’s movie, a roller coaster ride of bloodshed and action. Several of the moments however are so sweet even my mate threatened to start crying. However he maintained his masculinity by backtracking several times to watch the scene where Doug beats the shit out of a gang of thugs by twisting one arm behind one man’s back and shooting him with his own gun. 

The main lesson I learned in the course of the movie is that three is not always better. And do not go to Mars for a divorce…it doesn’t always end well.

As one small character proclaims, “A man is defined by his action not his memory.” In which case, Arnold is defined as a quiet, sharp-jawed mass of chaos armed with a machine gun. He delivers, as per his usual, brutal beatings and savvy one liners in his innocent, child-like accent.

Not even a group of space nerd doctors were any match for an angry Arnold tied to a spiked chair. Soon the dream-twisting, Mars-controlling villains have two demonically laughing Arnolds to deal with. As is to be expected from such a scenario, the movie climaxes in an explosive bloodbath that is impressively satisfying.