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Today is the first day of spring and the International Day of Happiness. 

Today is not a happy day for me. A man I hold most dear is being placed in the ground tomorrow. I still feel a scrambled mixture of pain, shock, exhaustion and grief. I fear tomorrow. 

Today I will hardly see you. We are working opposite shifts. 

I need the comfort of your shoulder and the peace of staring into your eyes. But you are far away.

But there are many things to be happy about. Most of my family is still here. A menagerie of people have sent their wishes and their stories of what a great man my grandfather was. Some have brought food. Others have called. We are supported through this dark time.

You still love me. You are working today so that you can be at my side tomorrow. You are my incredible, handsome, thoughtful fiance.

God is watching over me and my family. He is protecting my lost loved one’s soul until the day we can be together again.

In this time of pain and tears and loneliness, I will rejoice. The road is long and dark but there is light in the distance. Many strong people walk with me, supporting me. Soon you will be with me again and no one will be able to separate us. I feel weak and worn out, yet I am strong.

On this sad International Day of Happiness, I will find happiness.