“Our lives take us to strange places and in strange directions. I know you have this thing with your friend but I wish you didn’t. It’s selfish of me but I’m only human. I want you to be happy. I’d like you to be happy with me but if that’s not in the cards then I’ll survive it. You should talk to your friend and see where you stand, if he cares for you like I do then you’ll have a great life together and I’ll just keep going on, I’m a survivor. You can’t live your life worrying about hurting people, follow your dreams and your desires. No regrets. I say and do the things I do because I love you. It’s weird to actually say that out loud but I do.”
It was said sweetly and with all the love in the world. But it was the ultimate ultimatum. The love ultimatum.
We could no longer pretend we were just friends. I must choose between you and the boy I had a crush on for over half of my life. One of you would become the one I dedicated my all to and the other would become nothing. There was pain in the choice but also joy.
As weighted with love as they were, the words struck me like a blow.
They were the words I wanted to hear. The freeing words. I felt so indebted to two boys who had been kind enough to steal my heart. But suddenly you said, that did not matter. What matter was who I wanted to keep that heart. Forever.
This choice was not for them. It was for me. It would greatly affect them but they could not make it. It was in my hands.
For a quick moment, I pictured my life without you. Terror filled my soul. Fear I had never known. The world seemed dark and ominous without your laugh and your constant presence.
I needed you. Far more than I had realized until confronted with the ultimatum. I loved you in fact.
“You know how as soon as something is gone, you realize how important it is? Well, that’s kinda how I felt when you said to have a great life with him. I’m falling for you.”