Yep, I am a mess. A undeniably diagnosed one. I have all the symptoms.
I have a severe case of not knowing what I want that often spreads to knowing exactly what I want that is completely contradictory to what I wanted yesterday. I have delusions that people can read my mind and know exactly how they affect me and what I want to hear to make me feel better. That often leads to frustration when the hallucinations prove false.
I have episodes of severe self-hatred, with strong seizures of doubting everything good about myself. There are attacks of anger, sadness, sarcasm, and unpredictableness. That leave me vulnerable.
I will go through fits of angst over criticism that linger basically forever. There are severe neurotic spells where I will go from one extreme to the other. Sometimes I will laugh and feel impervious to everything. Other times I will be weak, torn apart by the slightest breath of discomfort.
This malady is incurable. With regular doses of self-control, prayer, love and dedication, taken before every meal, once at bedtime and a thousand other times throughout the day as the need arises, it is controllable. But, even then, it often flames up, unexpectedly.
I have suffered from this mysterious disease since birth. It is an extremely wide spread disease. A variation of it plagues virtually every single human being. It is not a fatal malady, but it lingers and tortures us till death. Only vigilance can keep the symptoms at bay. Only love can ease the pain.
Can anyone soothe this diseased soul?